Come into the Garden

Come into the garden, Maud,

It's a lovely day outside

Come into the garden, Maud,

Whilst the sun is in the sky

Step across the threshold,

And lift your head up high!

Come into the garden, Maud,

It's a lovely day to die...

The day we wed I promised you

"For better or for worse",

Never knowing that my heartfelt words

Would soon become a curse.

Our love-life withered overnight,

And in about the same

You became a witch, a harpy,

Bellowing my name.

Remarkably, we had three children,

How I cannot think -

I recall no nights of passion,

Perhaps you spiked my drink,

For I had hit the bottle hard

To wash away the grey

Of waking up beside you

Each and every day.

Now the young have flown the nest

It's you and me at last.

I did my duty for the kids

Now you and I must part.

I want no messy divorce

Where you take the lion's cut,

I've come up with a neater plan -

And I will keep the lot

I've been digging in the garden, Maud,

A hole, long, wide and deep,

I'm gonna push you in it, Maud

For an everlasting sleep.

And as the gentle scent of flowers

Titillates our noses

No-one will ever realise

You are pushing up the roses.

But first I've got to end your life

And therein lies the trouble,

The best I've thought of so far

Is hitting you with the shovel.

But come into the garden, Maud,

It's a lovely day today

Let me take you by the hand -

I'm sure I'll find a way.